The Prodigal Daughter Returns

I skipped last week’s session. I didn’t skip on purpose. It just sort of happened. I swear.

My boss had words with me about my schedule. Apparently, she only lets salaried people not make up for holidays (days when the spa is closed) if they are also willing to work overtime in non holiday weeks. So, I had Easter Sunday off, but I had to work on one of my days off to make up the hours. I think she’s worried about where money is going and wanting to get price changes in immediately but realizing she made that decision right before i was going to go on my weekend. I’m not a fan of how things went down. I feel like she doesn’t always divulge her expectations of me to me until it’s more of a disciplinary conversation rather than a “This is what the job is so you know for future reference.”

She also made it seem like I didn’t want to work extra hours because I wouldn’t be getting paid anymore. Again, she’s dealing with a lot of money concerns for the business, so everything’s about money. I was offended though. I’ve only been in the workforce for four years. I’ve already spent time working ninety hour weeks. That has traumatized me. I’m neurotic about only working forty hours a week because I value my time and sanity. There’s a certain point where throwing money at me for my time and sanity isn’t worth the toll working long hours takes on me.

So, that’s why I missed.

It kind of messed with my scheduling plan. In fact, even though I went into this determined to be flexible and acknowledge how life is unpredictable, I’ve been thrown a lot of different things that have rendered my daily planning useless, in mostly good ways. Still, I found myself binge watching videos of the Korean boy band EXO and panicked a little. That’s what I was trying to get away from, listless binging of Korean things.

I mucked up my Instagram and Pinterest. I’m following A LOT of Korean celebrities. Bless them for their posting restraint. I’ve also started a K-shame board on Pinterest. I don’t think it’s shameful to find Asian men attractive. What I think is shameful is that I’ve become obsessed and let it dominate my life. So, yeah, that board is secret from the world.

Overall, I think I’m doing good. I’m almost to 100 pages on my story. I spent the past two days dedicating a lot of time to writing. I’ve really enjoyed that. I think next week I’m going to go home to do laundry, but I’m also going to try to schedule in some much needed cleaning. I haven’t been practicing Korean or listening to the Bible this past week. Still, I feel like I’m doing something, which is what the real solution to the original problem was supposed to be. I felt like I had no purpose and that I was wasting my life. The feeling is bound to come back, but right now it’s not present.

I’m hoping the dietary change is helping. It’s only been three weeks, and I don’t know when that sort of thing is really supposed to show results. I hate walnuts. I really and truly dislike oatmeal. I power through though because it’s not just eating food to enjoy food. I see this as medicine. These foods have properties that are supposed to help alleviate my depression and anxiety, so I plug my nose and swallow. It’s like taking pills and syrups that taste like shit. You just gotta do it and wash the taste out of your mouth later.

I have enjoyed eating the yogurt and the homemade trail mix. I also enjoy eating a little bit every three hours. I don’t each much, but for the most part I feel full throughout the day. It costs a bit more to buy all the fresh fruit and such, but if I wasn’t doing this, I’d be paying much more for doctor’s visits and medication. We’ll see how it goes moving forward.

Deuces.

Love,

Roonil

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