It’s almost the end of week one, at least. I’ve been following my scheduling. It’s gotten creative with cancelling events and scheduling new ones. I can’t say that I’ve followed it to a T, but I have followed it. I’m regularly doing my Korean lessons, exercising, writing, and listening to the Bible.
I’m super tired though, even though I’ve been getting eight to nine hours of sleep a night. I’ve actually scheduled myself a bed time. So, I don’t know what my problem is. I have a suspicion that its formal name is Depression, which is infuriating. I’m exercising. I’ve stopped drinking caffeinated beverages after four. I’m drinking sparkling flavored water-which-isn’t-water-but-blow-me-at-least-it’s-not-pop. I feel like I’m taking proper steps towards being a healthier person, but it’s still lurking in the background.
I know that I’ve only been at it a week. I need to see how things continue to go. Maybe my body is just getting used to the activity. I don’t know. Every thing seems sort of like a bullshit answer everyone always says.
I can’t take medicine. I don’t have the money for a therapist. I definitely don’t have money for a psychologist. I could probably get average behavioral medicine from my general practitioner, but how much would they know? How much would they be able to work with me on dosage? I need uppers and downers, and when that’s your need, there’s a lot of subtle shifting to get the perfect blend for your brain.
I guess I just need this scheduling/exercising/being active thing to work because I don’t really have anything else right now.
I’m going to go then.